150+ Funny Dirty Jokes for Adults That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud

There’s nothing better than a good sense of humor and laughter-the best medicine for the souls. A dirty joke really can lighten the mood while being risqué, perfect for adults to laugh a little harder over.

More than 150 of the finest funny dirty jokes have been compiled in this article guaranteed to tickle your funny bone. Just remember jokes are for grown-ups only enjoy at your discretion!

Best Dirty Jokes

• “I’d rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth,” the woman told her dentist. He replied, “Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair.”
• A family’s driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield. Embarrassed, and trying to spare her young son’s innocence, the mother turns around and says, “Don’t worry, dear. That was just an insect.” “Wow,” the boy replies. “I’m surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!”
• A guy is sitting at the doctor’s office. The doctor walks in and says, “I have some bad news. I’m afraid you’re going to have to stop masturbating.” “I don’t understand, doc,” the patient says. “Why?” “Because,” the doctor says. “I’m trying to examine you.”
• Dear NASA: Your mom thought I was big enough.–Pluto
• How can you tell if your husband is dead? The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.
• How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
• How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex? Call and tell her about it.
• How does a woman scare a gynecologist? By becoming a ventriloquist.
• If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?
• My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.
• What are the three shortest words in the English language? “Is it in?”
• What comes after 69? Mouthwash.
• What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.
• What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his front teeth? A glad-he-ate-her.
• What do you call an expert fisherman? A Master Baiter.
• What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? “If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.”
• What does Pinocchio’s lover say to him? “Lie to me! Lie to me!”
• What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave? “Thanks for coming!”
• What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? Beat it. We’re closed.
• What goes in hard and dry, but comes out soft and wet? Gum!
• What’s long and hard and full of semen? A submarine!
• What’s the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush.
• What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball!
• What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.
• What’s the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? The taste!
• What’s the difference between hungry and horny? Where do you stick the cucumber?
• What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom? Condoms have evolved: They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.
• What’s the difference between your penis and a bonus check? Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.
• What’s the process of applying for a job at Hooters? They just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out.”
• Why can’t you hear rabbits making love? Because they have cotton balls.

Dirty Jokes for Adults That Are Absolutely Funny

• A dad tells his son “Stop masturbating! if you do it too long you will go blind.” The son replied “Dad, I’m over here.
• A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush.
• A woman walks out of the produce section with bad news. She changed the cucumber into a pickle.
• Are you a coconut? I want to smash you until all the white stuff comes out.
• Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil.
• Did you hear about the guy who dipped his balls in glitter? Pretty nuts!
• Dirty mind test: What starts with d and ends with ick? Drumstick.
• Do you need a carpenter? Because I could nail you then hammer you.
• Every man has one. It feels great when you blow it and if you’re not careful, it may drip. What is it? A nose.
• Have you heard about the constipated accountant? He used paper and pencil to budget.
• How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood? Because his right hand caught on fire.
• How do you spot a blind guy at a nude beach? It’s not hard.
• How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry her.
• If a blonde girl says you have a big d___. She’s probably just pulling your leg.
• If a little person says your hair smells nice. Is that s3xual harassment?
• Let’s play carpenter! First, we’ll get hammered, then I’ll nail you.
• Want to know a proven way a man and woman can be friends without s3x? Marriage.
• Want to know how to fit 71 people in the car? 2 in the front while we handle 69 in the back.
• What are 3 two letter words that mean small? Is it in?
• What are the 2 most important holes in a woman’s body? Her nostrils.
• What belongs to used but gets used by everyone else more than you? Your name.
• What comes after 69? Mouthwash.
• What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? She gagged.
• What did one butt cheek say to the other? Together we can stop this sh*t.
• What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don’t get the proper support, people will think we’re nuts.
• What did the hooker’s right knee say to her left knee? We should get together more often.
• What did the police catch the naked man breaking into Zales? They grabbed him by the jewels.
• What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? I want you inside me.
• What do a boyfriend and a spider have in common? Women always exaggerate how big it is.
• What do a boyfriend/girlfriend and a math test have in common? They’re both something we could cheat on.
• What does a robot do after a one-night stand. Nuts and bolts.
• What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say to clients as they’re leaving? Thanks for coming!
• What goes in hard and comes out soft and wet? Chewing gum.
• What has 148 teeth and holding back a monster? My zipper.
• What is 6 inches and leave white stuff all over your face? A toothbrush.
• What is Moby Dick’s father’s name? Papa Boner.
• What is the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit? A zit will wait until you’re 12 to come on your face.
• What is the difference between a tire and 365-used condoms? One’s a Goodyear and one’s a great year.
• What rhymes with kick? Pick (dirty mind joke)

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150+ Dirty Jokes to Filth Up Any Conversation

Funny Dirty Jokes

• “Give it to me! Give it to me!” she yelled. “I’m so wet, give it to me now!” She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.
• “I bet you can’t tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time,” a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, “Your penis is bigger than your brother’s.”
• A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, “Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!” The woman says, “Me too, you’ve been eating grass for the past ten minutes!”
• A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.
• A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it’ll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn’t the neatest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, “Looks like you blew a seal.” “No,” the penguin insists, “it’s just ice cream.”
• A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, “Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?” The boyfriend says, “Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again.”
• An old woman walked into a dentist’s office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, “I think you have the wrong room.” “You put in my husband’s teeth last week,” she replied. “Now you have to remove them.”
• Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He couldn’t budget, so he had to work it out with paper and pencil.
• How do you make a pool table laugh? Tickle its balls.
• How is life like toilet paper? You’re either on a roll or taking s*** from someone.
• How is sex like a game of bridge? If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.
• If you were born in September, it’s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
• I’ll admit it, I have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lives forty miles away.
• They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles. Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?
• Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.
• What did one butt cheek say to the other? Together, we can stop this crap.
• What did the leper say to the sex worker? Keep the tip.
• What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? “I want you inside me.”
• What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cube have in common? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
• What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off!

Wrapping Up!

Now, jokes are very personal. One may find something funny that another finds not funny. Share good laughter in good company, where you are all speaking the same language when it comes to humor. Enjoy and have a good laugh while keeping the spirit of fun going!