Your Feelings Are Valid: A Sensitive 10-Something’s Insight To Love
By Shahnawaz Alam
09 March, 2023
Lifestyle
Last Updated on: March 10th, 2023
“What are you yapping about?” Rob questioned me with a smirk that made his lips look like the curved edge of a dagger.
“Can’t you see what Tiffany did to me? Do you have to ask after knowing it all? I loved her so much, dude” – with a voice wet with sadness, I spoke out as if to let out all the anguish I was feeling.
“So, what? She loves Jim now, so get over it and stop crying about it.” I did not expect that from Rob, he could at least sympathize. Is it too hard to say that your feelings are valid? You have done no wrong by falling in love. The person you felt it for might be wrong, but your feelings aren’t.
If something similar happens to you, know this – you are not too sensitive, and you are not overreacting. If something is hurting you, then it is hurting you, and those feelings are real.
However, should all these emotions stop you from loving? No. So, here’s to reality; here’s to loving while acknowledging your emotions.
Your Feelings Are Valid: Learn To Validate Your Emotions And Don’t Forget To Love
Validating your emotion does not mean beating yourself up for the mistakes you have made. Yes, it was probably a wrong move to fall for someone who does not validate your emotions. So accept that it was the wrong move, but the act of falling in love was never wrong. You should do it again if your heart desires it.
1. Love Will Come Again To You
Like the start of something fine
Like morning dew
Love will come again to you
– Poets of the Fall
Like an anonymous pessimist once said, “It’s not worth loving unless it hurts.” But love does not have to hurt, not always. It can start like a fine morning and blossom like a rose. You have a good heart, so keep being good and do take selfless actions. Love will blossom before you know it.
2. Don’t Waste Time Defining Love
Love does not have to be something tangible or something too concrete. Let there be some bubble under the wrapper that covers you and your beloved. Let there be some space, some difference, some imperfection, and don’t name your emotions. Love is like a gravitational pull that works without any strings attached to anyone. So, don’t attach a string to anyone.
3. Keep Your Heart Open
Cause love, it comes so quickly
And then it goes
– Passenger
Your feelings are valid; this includes the feelings of sadness, anger, regret, pain, fear, heartbreak, and of love. But, the course of life is not easy, and we are so used to acknowledging the negative emotions we often stop validating the positive ones – like love. So, keep your heart open for love. It comes like spring ( out of the blue) and leaves before you know it.
4. A Heart That Loves Is A Strong Heart
When I built these walls around my chest
I built them thick and strong
Oh, and she can try her very best
But they’ve been here for too long”
– Passenger
What do we do when the odds are against our hearts? We start toughening up. We start building up walls around our hearts and stop letting anyone in. But, deep inside, the heart seeks love. But, is it the way to go about it– toughening your heart and then seeking love? No. First, you need to break down the walls you have created against love. Like the great Sufi poet Rumi Said –
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
5. Love Is Not Just A Verb, It Is A Place To Belong To
Been here all along
So, why can’t you see?
You belong with me
You belong with me”
–Taylor Swift
I know you are at that point when you are done with all the – love is a verb, you need to be more selfless, you need to give more than you receive. What are we still doing, guys? It’s not helping. We can’t go about our days measuring how much we have invested ourselves into someone or how much someone has invested in us. It is not a game of give and take.
When you think of giving love to someone or receiving the same in return, the process becomes tiring and takes a lot of energy. Indeed, love takes certain actions, but sometimes, you need to be
In love with the idea of someone being in your life and you in theirs. Just belonging with someone can bring happiness, and that is the most beautiful feeling that love ever gives you.
6. You Control Your Emotions
Don’t let others dictate your emotions. Your feelings are valid, and no one has the right to decide how you feel about something. If you are in love with someone or something, pour your heart and soul into it/them. Know that loving someone madly and deeply gives you strength. And being loved by someone gives you courage and makes you strong.
7. Make Love Feel Easy For Your Beloved
Love is not easy. It is never easy until you truly try. Your partner needs to know that your feelings are valid, and you should know that their feelings are valid as well. Be calm and attentive when your lover talks to you. Listen to them without interrupting. Just by listening, you can end someone’s suffering. You can make love easy, and listening is the key.
8. Stop Giving Your Heart Away To Anyone
Your feelings are valid, and your heart is precious. So, even when you are keeping your heart open, don’t just let anyone in. I heard in an Instagram reel once – when you are hungry, you start anything that you see in front of you. Don’t do the same with love, and don’t fall in love because your heart is hungry. Before you give your heart away, be confident about their feelings for you and your importance in their lives.
9. You Don’t Have To Say It To Mean It
“Just because I said it, does not mean that I meant it.” this is what you hear from someone when they hurt you with their words. But you are sure that they are lying. The complete opposite is applicable when it comes to love. You don’t have to say “I love you” to mean it. It’s a feeling sitting strong deep inside your heart. Selfless love is no active emotion; it stays within you without the expression of any active emotion.
10. Love Shall Bring You Peace
As we grow older, we keep wanting peace and start avoiding the feelings of love, as it can be hurtful and exhausting at times. But love is the answer; it has always been. Here is what Dalai Lama XIV has said about love and peace –
“From my own limited experience, I have found that the greatest degree of inner tranquility comes from the development of love and compassion.”
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs):-
Here are some questions and answers you may find helpful –
Ans: Validating someone’s feelings is the acceptance of their thoughts and emotions. Invalidation on the other hand is the complete opposite. Invalidation means rejecting, ignoring, or judging someone’s emotions, feelings, and thoughts.
Ans: Despite one’s beliefs, thoughts, and perception of a situation or life their feelings are valid and authentic. It is ok to feel a certain way. Everyone deserves to have their emotions and feelings validated by people who love them.
Ans: When you decide to validate someone’s feelings, you start opening yourself up and be curious about their feelings. The next step to acknowledging someone’s feelings is to understand them. Validating someone’s emotions does not mean agreeing to their experiences or making sense of them.
Bottom Line
Your feelings are valid and it is like a reminder on your smartphone with an ‘Accept’ button under it. All you have to do is to tap on acceptance, and you are moving forwards toward positivity. Never shun your emotions and feelings just because the situation/event tells you otherwise.
I hope you learn to acknowledge your feelings and love, again. The ten insights I have offered here should help. However, if you have any questions, please reach out to me in the comment. I enjoy reading your questions and answering them.
Keep Reading:
